she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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