The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
