Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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