About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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