Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
