did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
