if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
