I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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