Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
