he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
