i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
