Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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