please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
