I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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