just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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