i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
