We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Randomize
