Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
