What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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