u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
