You can't motorboat a personality
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
