I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
