It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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