im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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