If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
