I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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