I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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