Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
