I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
