Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
