Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
