Everything about him screamed your future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
