Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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