He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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