i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
