I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
