the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
