So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
