After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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