you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it penis luge time yet?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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