I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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