the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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