Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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