The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
