I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I intend to get homeless drunk
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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