i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
