btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
