we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
