At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
