just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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