Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
