Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
