We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he fucked my hip out of place.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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